If I had to admit it, worn out tiles and candles at the end of their life bring me more joy than the things I buy ever could. I have always just wanted a simple life. At times I have gotten carried away with the trappings of modernity, but at my core, always holding to my truth. And that is; that my success only comes from the things that I acquire that are unseen.

The world outside of yourself coupled with the naivety of youth can make you the victim of a kind of thinking that is detrimental to your future. A kind of absurd invincibility. I often wonder though, is it a trick of mother nature to ensure the survival of our species?

As I grow older I am becoming less and less interested in possessing and more in giving, shedding, releasing, parting with, letting go, letting be… perhaps it is my increased awareness at midlife of my mortality, but it does not feel morbid, but rather a calm contentment has taken over my thoughts over recent months.

My favourite things to shed are old versions of myself that I have held on to even as I grow and change. I used to think that I had to keep these versions just in case I might need to use them one day. The same way we keep piles of newspapers and empty glass jars until they become unmanageable and a waste of space. I used to hold on to my old selves like they were living, breathing things and thinking that if I let them go, I would somehow be betraying them, abandoning them, when in reality they were pleading to be freed from a mind and heart that they no longer suited. Pleading to be laid to rest.

So burials and their accompanying grief have been ongoing. It is not easy but now I know how necessary it is to continue this process. I imagine it will become easier with time, eventually I may be able to do this without much inner turmoil or fanfare… much in the same way that I would leave this earth when my physical body is buried. But as I said before, there is no morbidity here, just a feeling of moving closer to my original self.

In the Qur’an, God says that from Him we come and to Him we are returning (2:156). I think of this in two ways… since the Creator is everywhere, if we come from Him at the beginning of our lives and move through the journey of existence we will also find him at the end of our lives, in fact He never left us. Another way I like to think of it is like a boomerang that is flung out into this life and at some point (mid-life) we start making our journey back.

If I could send some words to my younger self, they would be “be still” (…to borrow from the powerful Psalm 46:10). I did the best that I could have done when I was younger. Armed with whatever innate compass I was born with and whatever wisdom I gleaned from the older folks around me. I forgive myself for ever thinking that somehow I messed up as I continue to shed all of the lingering regret.

Stillness is so beautiful as I am only now learning. To be still is not necessarily to be completely at peace or rest but to be completely present and aware of all that is going on internally in order to allow yourself the grace and the space to respond to whatever is happening externally. It is a way of confronting stimuli from the outer world, especially negative ones; in a way that is healing and reconciliatory rather than destructive and from a place of trauma.

Being still means softening the hard places in your heart. Allowing the negative thoughts to come to the front and then softly and decidedly telling them that they do not belong here while gently ushering them out. Being still is giving yourself permission to sit with the awkward, ugly parts of your interior, the parts that hurt people and the parts that were hurt by people and now prefer to remain in shadows. This one is tough. This one is like staring demons in the face long enough to find their beauty and then their weakness; like touching a cold face in the dark and disarming it with your warmth. This one is tough.

Being still is moving. Being still is going in the direction of truth no matter the obstacles. Pause, rest, breathe, bask, dream, wander but keep moving. Being still is moving. Yes!

Being still in times like these, is an act of defiance. A revolutionary act. We are being bombarded daily by chatter and a lot of vain talk and opinion. It is becoming harder and harder to distinguish reality from what is not. Being still is saying, “I hear you but I choose my own way”. Being still is allowing inner freedom to reign and resonate in all that you do. Being still means that many times you will not follow the familiar path but rather cut a path of your own through a system that only exists as a temporary distraction for a time.

I have always wanted a simple life. And in a way, I have always had one. And for this I am immensely grateful. And as I continue to simplify my existence I cannot think of anything more beautiful than being able to live a life, at the end of which, my heart is full of love, and those around me are richer in joy for me having been here with them.

“And we enjoined upon man good conduct towards his parents. His mother bore him with aversion. And brought him forth with aversion. And the bearing of him and the weaning of him is thirty moons. When he has reached maturity and reached forty years. He says: My Lord: direct thou me to be grateful wherewith thou hast favoured me. And my parents. And to work righteousness pleasing to thee. And do thou right by me concerning my progeny. I turn to thee repentant. And I am of those submitted.”

QUR’AN 46:15